Feeling Discouraged, Learning Motivation

Lately, I haven’t felt like myself. I went through a training with amazingly smart people. I felt lost in the field, drowning in my own ignorance.

I fell like an imposter. I felt like I didn’t belong and I didn’t know anything. I started to produce bad work and I stopped to a stand-still. I froze. I started to lose sight of who I was when I started to give up. I started to lose sight of usual life motto.

My Life Motto:

“I’d rather FAIL while doing my best, than to LIVE  without ever trying to succeed.”

Somehow I made it through the training and started to work. I reflected on the training and realized that I can’t let it happen again. I have to stick to my motto, my mojo. Otherwise, just like my life motto says, “I’d rather fail while doing my best, than to live without ever trying to succeed.” I have always thrown myself into uncomfortable situations and learned from it. I must continue to do so.

In order to motivate myself to learn, I want to juxtapose things I have learned or done with things that I learn today.

Something I have done in the past:

  • I made a felt jellyfish plush doll based off the anime, Jellyfish Princess. I did research on how to make plush dolls. I found an octopus plush pattern online. I created my own pattern based off of the anime and with some advice from my roommate. It took 20+ hours with research and implementation, but I was really proud of the result and brought it with me as a prop for my Tsukimi cosplay.claraJellyfish_sig

Something I learned today:

Today I signed up for the Java Servlets and JSP course on Udemy by in28Minutes, Ranga Karanam. I learned about a lot more shortcuts using Eclipse.

Ctrl + spacebar: good for auto-completion

Ctrl + 1: To move a class to another package

Alt + Shift + r: To refactor – rename – variable or class.

I spent a little too much time reviewing the previous videos on running Tomcat server using Maven. I created servlets that extend the HTTP Request Servlet from the JavaEE servlet maven dependency.

Side Note:

When I felt so lost, panicking, and losing my way…. I also felt so grateful because there were so many people that were supportive. I couldn’t even imagine that so many people had my back.


Becoming a Developer?

Wow… I started learning how to really code in January 2015. I kept dabbling with things here and there, but I never thought I would end up getting a job in development after graduation. I’m excited and nervous. I never imagined myself working behind a computer, but you never know where life will take you. Let’s make some stuff before I start working! I’ll probably work on my website or something.

I Don’t Like Watching Movies

My friends are getting excited for the new premiere of Jurassic World, yet I am feeling pretty indifferent towards the film. I have never been a huge movie fanatic. I often prefer doing other things rather than sit through a whole film. I wonder if it has something to do with my attention span?

While I thought about this topic, I tried to remember what movies I really love. My favorite is definitely “My Neighbor Totoro” by Miyazaki because it’s the movie that I watched over and over again growing up. I also enjoy Disney films because I enjoyed singing along. I also enjoy (clean) comedy films and martial arts films. I used to love this one Chinese movie called “Shaolin Popey”(笑林小子) which is a comedy/martial arts children’s film which I also watched frequently as a kid. I realized that my favorite films are mostly from my childhood.

I feel like movies are an integral part of the American culture, yet I have never really bought into the hype. I have no problem waiting to watch a movie at home instead of at a theater. In fact, I prefer watching the movie at a small cinema or at home. I don’t like huge crowds, especially at a premiere, and I sometimes feel uncomfortable when people are too hyped up. I guess a part of me has always been a bit different from others, which makes me not “fit in” in many situations. I don’t love movies, but I don’t hate it either. I can still have a good time watching movies with my friends, but I would rather we go eat something yummy or run around outside instead.

The most recent and fun movie experience for me was watching a re-run of the first Pokemon movie at the cinema at my university. It was extremely fun because my friends and I laughed the whole time because of the nostalgia and the trippiness of the Pokemon movie. So, yes, I sometimes enjoy watching movies, but I just don’t consider it to be one of my pastimes.

Thinking Too Much — but I can’t help it!

I can’t help thinking a lot. I hate that side of me, that’s why when I get extremely frustrated with being too caught up in thinking, I do rash things just to take some sort of action. Getting things done makes me feel good, but alas I really am a tormented thinker.

I think, think, think.

Usually in the form of day-dreams, I just wander off in my inner world and not actually do anything substantial in the physical world.What can I say, I am a dreamer. A slightly anxious one that has too many worries, paranoia, and stress. I live in the world of possibilities as it tries to drown me in a sea of lost time.

One goal that I have for this blog is to be able to share information that I learn. Because I have so many questions in the world, I try my best to find answers. Hopefully, I share things that others find useful or enjoy reading.

By the way what’s my name? Should I use my real name? If I use my real name, then people can look me up, which could be a good thing or a bad thing. I can link this wordpress to my personal website which uses my real name and build my personal name or whatever the business articles on Forbes or Business Insider usually suggest, but what if stalkers come and track me down? Internet privacy — is almost nonexistant. I already have way too much information on the internet, I shouldn’t make it any easier for others to track me down. Anyways, I decided I should stick to the alias that I always use for my drawings and artwork, DimsumPanda. You may call me Dimsum. Otherwise, you may also call me Barqbar which is the nickname that a very good friend of mine coined for me when her phone auto-corrected my real first name, Barbara. Oh no! Gasp, now you know my real name!